Lemur eased himself into the lounge suite. He reached for the remote but found it just out of reach. He stretched as far as he could and even attempted to use Jedi skill, but no luck. The remote mocked him in its shiny black god like appearance. It laughed and taunted and Lemur could swear that when he looked away for a second it bounced further away. For a moment he just sat there with the screen black. That damn remote control was not going to win. Eventually defeated he butt-bounced down the sofa, snatched up the remote and flicked the telly on. He quickly scrolled the channels, nothing, nothing, nothing. Fifty-seven channels of nothing. He turned it off and chucked the remote into the other chair slightly harder than was necessary. The remote bounced off the sofa and crashed against the wall. Its battery cover skidded off and the two double A’s flew out.
‘Suck it be-otch’ Lemur yelled.
The stupid excitement abated and Lemur skunked into the chair, then the door bell rang.
Lemur pulled himself out of the chair and hobbled over to see who it was. The pain was almost unbearable, but sitting in front of the blank telly screen was even more unbearable; not a physical pain, but an emotional soul crushing one.
Lemur reacher the door in record time. For a second he thought about calling Guinness and seeing if they had a record for getting to the front door with a busted ass leg. Just before opening the door he held a mini debate, no pants or hobble to his room retrieve pants and then answer the door? No pants won by a small margin, something to do with embarrassment factor being near zero. What if the postie saw him in his Sponge-bob Boxers? Amount of fucks to give was zero. Perhaps even an exchange of fucks could happen, if the postie was handing them out who was he to deny it. It was more fun to revel in the embarrassment of others then to be bothered with all the nonsense. Balancing on the one crutch Lemur opened the door.
‘Holy shit dude Sponge-bob? You sad bastard.’
Zane didn’t wait for a response before wading through all of Lemurs dropped fucks and into the house. Ah shit Lemur thought peering at all those fucks, it’ll take years to recover. He flashed a smile at Nat and some other chick that was there but he didn’t know. Good old bullshit confidence, yeah I totally did this on purpose, and maybe he would be able to recover some of those dropped fucks.
‘Hey Lemur, this is Ashley.’ Nat followed Zane and they both sat down on the sofa together.
‘You know I actually really like Sponge-bob.’
Lemur’s smile suddenly became genuine. He gestured for her to enter. She obliged and walked in.
‘I have some Plankton panties at home. You should come over and check them out,’ she whispered in his ear then aat on the sofa with the others.
‘So yeah, pants are needed I’ll be back in a second.’
‘No worries mate,’ Zane said, not turning around, ‘where the hell is the remote?’